Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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