I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
