So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
