I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
