Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
