Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
