I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize