You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Farmville is her only friend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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