if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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