I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
