You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
