Pants 0. Shit 1.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
