Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
