i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize