a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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