I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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