We're like a lot better than the average bears
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
