tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
