Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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