I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
