Where did you get a picture of my penis
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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