You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
