I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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