You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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