so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize