Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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