Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
