the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
