I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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