I think I am morally bankrupt
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
