I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
