She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
