you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
