I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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