i barfeds in our rink
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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