We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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