glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
