Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
