I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
