last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
