Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
