So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
