You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
someone owes me an orgasm
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize