Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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