I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
