im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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