it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
