I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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