dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
