I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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