I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
