i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
