Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
