think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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