my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
