Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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