I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize