I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
