So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
