So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
that is very illegal...i love you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
