I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
