for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
