you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
