some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
