we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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