haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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