Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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