I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
