The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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