Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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