My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
