So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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