Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
