In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
