No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
