I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
