Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
