How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
