just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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