Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
