I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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