I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
