The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
