id be glad to
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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