you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Rumble strips road head = magical
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
