He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
