We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
