tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
