Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
