Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
