She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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