Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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