i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
