this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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