I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
