its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
