i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
