The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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